The Last Appointment
by thecapefangirl
Summary: DISCLAIMER: Contains information from 'The Final Problem'. Just after Sherlock tries to commit suicide to save Mycroft and John, Eurus decides to have one last appointment with John. Contains Johnlock
1. Part 1

**Chapter 1**

I woke up with that last image flashing through my mind.

 _Sherlock_

He was about to kill himself so he wouldn't have to choose between Mycroft and me.

It was dark and cold. All I could see was the shape of my hands

"SHERLOCK!" I cried out, "SHERLOCK! MYCROFT! WHERE ARE YOU."

"Oh they are safe John," Her voice cooed, "It is just you and me."

"Eurus what have you done to them?" I stumbled into a nearby chair.

There was laughing, "Oh dear John, my brothers," she said the word with a certain bitterness, "Are safe. They are not important, but your relationship with them is. You give me answers and I'll give you 3 minutes with the girl."

I was not expecting this. With years of experience with Sherlock, I knew when there was a catch.

I was silently thinking carefully about what I should do when I jumped at Moriarty's voice in the background taunting me.

"Tick tock tick tock tick tock"

"Ok fine what do you want to know."

Lights went on around me. We were in it empty padded cell. On the opposite side of the room was Eurus. I was so close to her if I could just reach out and kill her right then...

"I wouldn't think about that if I were you," she shook her head, "Without me you have no access to the poor, desperate darling all alone in the air." She smiled, her eyes glinting.

I sat in the chair quietly. She folded her hands in her lap and crossed her legs. "Did she know?"

"Wait...Who ...what are you talking about?"

"Did your wife know that you are in love with Sherlock. I like to think so."

"For God's sake! I'm not gay! Why does everyone think that?! "

"Maybe because everyone except you and my clueless brother can see it."

"I was deeply in love with Mary..."

"Who is dead yes, but when Sherlock disappeared you were suicidal for two years, even after you met Mary. Only when my brother showed his face again did you begin to heal. When Mary died, yes you are mourning and and even blamed Sherlock, but you are healing much faster."

"And what would you know about human emotions Eurus." I spat back. I could feel her getting into my head.

"Just enough. When Mycroft stuck me and here, he thought he was analysing me, studying me. But the truth was it was the other way round. I have nothing else to keep me occupied... except my violin.

"Then, of course, today was my most interesting case study. The way you both could feed off each other's energy. Mycroft was out the equation. He even said it. The way Sherlock looks at you for confirmation, especially when he has to make choices. Even Mycroft knew that you would both be hopeless without each other. This was proven long time ago."

"He only offered himself up because he created...this." I said waving my hands around her.

"John you're just repressing your emotions. Just accepted you in love with him and Sherlock is in love with you."

I could visualise him with his curly black hair and that stupid deer stalker hat. The way he acts out his thoughts like everyone knows what he's thinking. When we share those glances from time to time...

 _No no no concentrate John! She is just getting to you._

"I know what you doing. You're just planting thoughts into my mind that aren't there."

"Am I though John?" She got up and stalked towards me. She bent down and gripped the sides of my chair, "And anyways why would I bring you here to have a little therapy session when your life is in danger, as well as thousands of others, not to mention the fact that my experiment is not finished." Her voice was calmly sinister.

I pushed away I had enough "Don't know ok! Maybe you want me to squirm! Maybe want to see me in pain at the thought of those memories that took a long time to cover up. Feelings that I thought were destroyed. Maybe I am apart of your experiment. Maybe you want to remind me that I will never be complete without Sherlock! Maybe Mary pushed him out the way from that bullet because she knew the truth. She knew her days were numbered and she knew that Sherlock will always be a part of me she could never fill. Maybe you want me to swallow my pride and admit that I love him, "I broke down on the floor "I love him and have to live my life without being brave enough to admit that I am in love with him." I started to sob softly.

She crouched down next to me syringe in hand. "Yes maybe" She shrugged and plunged it into my arm.

Everything went dark.

 ** _Guys this is my first fanfiction ever. I even may have an chapter 2 on the way. Please comment!_**


	2. Part 2

**Chapter 2**

"John! John! Thank God you are alright!" Sherlock rushed towards me. He hugged me tight and I flinched instinctively, not looking him in the eye. I know Sherlock is getting better at understanding human emotions, but I don't know if he will ever read my true emotions.

Sherlock knew something was off, that was for sure, but he backed off and left me to my miserable self.

We made arrangements to stay at my house until the flat was fixed. I am what my sister Harry would describe as well and truly fucked. How I would stay in the same house without going insane was beyond me. I had no choice but to continue like nothing was wrong. Eurus got to me. I can still to this day hear those taunting words repeat over and over again.

Once I got inside, and aimed for my room. Mrs Hudson was nice enough to take care of Rosie at my house, after all her flat got a bit of bombing as well and need place for the night that was safer. Rosie stayed in my room for the moment so I could reach her quickly. I locked and leaned on the door as I reorganized my thoughts. I went to pick up the gurgling Rosie, who squealed in excitement when she saw me.

"Rosie what am I to do?" I looked at her wide blissfully ignorant eyes. She swung around a rattle. I had to smile to myself. My marriage might have been unhappy, but my daughter certainly was not.

I put her in her crib next to me while I struggle to fall asleep.

The next day I woke up to a sad cloudy day.

 _Oh God_! I thought, _Now I have to go and face him. Maybe I should just stay here and pretend to be dead_

Rosie started to cry. _Well maybe not._ I quietly got up, unlocked my door, and tiptoed to the kitchen to get a bottle. I know there is a baby crying, and me walking quietly would make absolutely no difference, but nerves were on end.

All I could hear was Eurus's words whispering in my mind.

"Did your wife know…"

"Everyone except you and my clueless brother…"

"…the way my dear darling brother looks at you…"

She implied that Sherlock was in love with me. I pondered the thought over in my mind, but shook my head. She did that deliberately to torture me. She reminded me that my past year was a lie. The guilt swelled up in my gut. As I walked back, I heard something from my spare room.

"...I love him and have to live my life without being brave enough to admit that I am in love with him." I heard myself sobbing.

 _OH God no! No No No…! But how…? Eurus._ I frowned angrily, Of course she taped it!

Rosie was still screaming in my room. My honour, my secrets, were shouted at my best friend.

Quickly I ran to my room. My gut twisted with that thought. I should of stormed in there and threw the laptop out but as I learnt the hard way a curious Sherlock is a scary thing to uphold. He would push and push and make stupid deductions at a very bad time, and then I will make an embarrassing scene, like the one with Molly at Christmas all those years ago.

Life was simpler then I thought, as I grabbed Rosie out of the cot. I was going to walk out that door and not look back until a few days. Where I was going? I had no idea. Molly was first choice.

I managed to quiet Rosie down sped walked to the door when I heard:

"John," I felt my shoulders tensed. I kept walking.

"John, look at me."

I opened the door and slammed it shut. I ran with my daughter bouncing in my arms

 ** _There are two more parts on the way. Exams are happening, so there might be a while before I continue_**


	3. Part 3

**Chapter 3**

I caught a taxi to Molly's house. Once we got there, Molly was outside with a worried look on her face. She saw us and looked considerably relieved. I got out, paid the cabbie, and walked straight towards her. She took Rosie from my arms and simply said "Sherlock called me from your phone. He told me that you were coming here, and I should be ready." She ushered me inside to the sitting room while she went to put Rosie in her makeshift crib.

I heard the kettle being put on and Molly came and sat beside me.

"What is going on, John? You never leave home without your phone and the fact that Sherlock had the nerve to even consider calling me means that it must be serious."

I told her everything from the beginning. One point she made tea, but I did not have the stomach to drink it. I could see the hurt and shame when I got to the part when Sherlock called her.

"Molly the house was about to blow up! Or we so thought. It was trick. She did it to not just to hurt you, but Sherlock as well. Eurus has a way of emotionally torturing people." I looked down at my cold cup of tea. I glanced at her, taking a deep breath and told her the rest.

It came whooshing out. My eyes filled with tears. Molly gave me the 'I know how you feel' look. I felt guilty. She maybe not the best person to be told.

"John," She took hold of my shoulder "you have to face it if you like it or not. If Sherlock knows, he won't think any less of you. And he needs you. You are his other half. He was a machine before you came along. You are the one who gave the tin man his heart." She gave me a sad smile, but I could see that the smile was genuine.

"He will love you no matter what. If it is a platonic love, he won't acknowledge that you are in love with him, or use it to his advantage…" she saw that I was confused, and just shook her head. "If he is in love with you, well there is no problem." She got up and pulled me up. "You go back. I will take care of Rosie for a few days. You need to sort this out now."

She pushed me to the door and waited till the taxi arrived. Before I left she knocked the window.

"Tell him I forgive him."

"I will."

 ** _I am sorry that it is quite shorter than the other ones, but I promise the last chapter will be longer and more interesting!_**

 ** _Please comment! My writing skills are still developing_**


	4. Part 4

**Chapter 4**

I stared at the door. _I have to go in. What am I going to say though?"_ I fiddled around with my keys, delaying time. I took a deep breath and just as I found the right key, the door suddenly opened.

Sherlock looked awful. I have no idea what could have happened in the few hours that I was away. Well I had one thought. I instinctively reached to his arm to roll up his sleeve, but I then hesitated. Sherlock understood and rolled his sleeve by himself and revealed nothing, nor was any sign that he was smoking.

Sherlock stepped back to let me through. I walked straight through and sat on my chair without looking into his eyes.

Sherlock sat opposite me. We were silent for the longest two minutes of my life. I twiddled my thumbs while Sherlock stared at me, waiting for me to make the first move.

I broke the silence,

"How…when d..d..did you get it." I stuttered.

"Just before she left in the police van, she gave me this." He revealed a disk. "She said 'Keep this. If you want answers, watch it alone. Especially without John' Obviously I was going to watch it." He flung the disk at me. There was no title: it just looked like an ordinary disk.

I contemplated it for a moment, letting it sink in. I knew that this was as painful for him as it was for me, so I changed the topic.

"So how did you know I was going to Molly's?"

"Simple. You took Rosie with you, which meant that you would go somewhere that is safe and familiar. There are three people near here that you would trust with Rosie. Mrs Hudson was out of the question, as the flat has recently been bombed as well and there would be builders, and not to mention that someone aimed for the flat with a bomb. Harry has relapsed into drinking again and obviously you would not trust your child there."

"You knew that I would come back without Rosie. How did you know that?" You would think after years of partnership that I should not be surprised at this deduction, yet I was.

"I figured that Molly would convince you to come back. You would leave Rosie there because you don't need a distraction."

"God, we spend too much time together." I laughed shakily. I tensely squeezed my hands into my thighs.

"Yes. John…"

"Molly says she forgives you." I quickly changed the subject. I knew that I would have to face it at some point, but the longer I didn't hear the "I always regarded you as a friend" speech, the better. As the saying goes "Ignorance is bliss".

He suddenly went stiff. "I know." He rubbed his eyes with his palms. "John, stop deflecting the topic." He eyed me "You are embarrassed."

"Well no shit Sherlock!" I knew that Sherlock had to just get me onto one of my rants. He saw Eurus doing it and he knew it would work. I knew it would work too. I took the opportunity to let it all out without distractions. "What gave it away? Hmm? Was it the fact that I am avoiding your eye? Or the fact that your psychotic sister emotionally tortured me for information, that I hid from everyone, then handing it over to the man whom it is about/ Or just maybe, just maybe, it is the fact that I will get rejected and our relationship as friends will go out the window along with my dignity!" I got up when I gave my little monologue and at this point I was shaking all over, trying to hold back the tears.

Sherlock got up and hugged me. I finally gave up and sobbed. And I held him tighter. Sherlock gently said:

"John, you and I, we will always be friends…" My heart twisted at the words. I let go and turned away, ashamed of myself.

"Oh God here it comes."

"I haven't finished yet." He turned my chin to look straight at his eyes, "and, as I was going to say, you have always been…Oh fuck this." He pressed his lips against mine.

I stiffened. I didn't know what shocked me more: the fact he said 'fuck' or that he was kissing me. I loosened up and wrapped my arms around his neck.

We finally let go. He walked over to the couch. I followed suite. I sat down next to him, and placed my head on his shoulder.

"What my sister said was not all true. I wasn't as clueless as she thought and I have had my suspicions for a long time. She also said that I didn't understand my feelings. I knew for a long time that I was, and still am, in love with you." He anticipated the questions forming on my lips. "Before you ask any questions, I will explain:

"I first realised after I faked my death. I mean I probably did show it unconsciously before. I went two years without you and I felt empty. I thought I just missed my partner, but after a while it started to absolutely kill me. Moriarty's network would have taken longer to dismantle if there wasn't an incentive behind it.

"When I came back, you had Mary. I knew you were happy and she was the only girlfriend of yours that liked me. I did like her, and Mary was a very observant woman. She knew that there was something that changed in you, and she would have left if there wasn't a baby on the way."

"So she pushed me out of the way when the bullet was fired, because as Eurus said, Mary knew the truth and she knew that you couldn't go through my death again."

I nodded "I realised it at the same time. I never said anything, because I thought you were dead and it wouldn't matter. My parents would have disowned me as they did with Harry. I knew that there was no point in putting myself through the rejection. Then I met Mary. I am not going to lie; I was in love with her. You came back and that changed things a bit. I could feel those feelings coming back. I pushed them down further. I started to forget them in time, but that didn't seem to stop the fact that I was indeed in love with you. This obviously affected my marriage. Then I somehow managed to cheat on her with your sister. I was really confused, wasn't I?" Sherlock answered by hugging me closer with a smile. We were in a comfortable silence until Sherlock broke it.

"Eurus gave the disk to me because she thought it was a shot at redemption. She knew if police discovered it, that it would create unwanted havoc. Or if she discarded it, anyone could come past and pick it up. She didn't have the time or the strength to break or destroy it. This way she knew that it has safely between us." He lifted my head to look at him. He looked solemn, "John I did not enjoy watching it. To see you in pain like that." He shook his head, "and I just sat there helplessly."

"It is over now." I hugged him hard with a few kisses on his neck. He laughed.

"And you said you weren't gay."

"I'm not gay. I am bisexual. Do your research."

"You are right. We _do_ spend too much time together."

I smile brightly, "Well, that solved the 'Case of Sexual Identity'. Well done Mr Holmes."

"I couldn't have done it without you Dr Watson." He kissed me passionately. I touched him just to make sure that he was real, that it was not a dream

And it certainly wasn't.

 ** _Well that's the end. I just want to mention that I took the name of "Case of Sexual Identity" from one of the original short stories called "A Case of Identity". I also should have mentioned I don't own Sherlock or any of the books and this was purely my imagination._** ** _Plus I am proud that I managed to add "no shit Sherlock." I can believe that hasn't been said in Sherlock!_**

 ** _Thank you for reading it_** **_and like usual comment_**


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